I grow up in bursts.( I might not have any hard evidence to substantiate that claim, but it really feels true so I’m just gonna go with it and see how it feels by the end of this post.) I don’t mean that my body grows in bursts (insert fat joke here); rather my sense of self as a grown up and my capacity for life’s toll.
If ever there was a time of burst, now is that time.
I can chart them, the ups and downs that make up the heartbeat of my life. Justice’s birth. Whooping cough. This move, that move and then the other move. Dating. Housesitting. My life pulses with times of growth and stretching. They are usually not the most comfortable of times, days and hours stretched to breaking, my mind racing with all that had to be accomplished, so full I felt top-heavy.
If ever there was a time of top-heavy, brain-hurty, heartbeat up and down, now is that time.
There is simply too much life in this little old life of mine. Only this time, it’s all good stuff.
A wedding, family in town, Jonthan’s new job, Jonathan’s other new job, Mother’s Day, house closing, cleaning, packing, moving, buying appliances, extra trainings at work, a new term with its Saturday workday and 12-hour Monday, a day trip to St. Louis, more cleaning, packing, moving. And of course all the regular of meal planning, food prep and prep cleanup with a fairly particular diet and an increasingly particular stomach. Trying to keep track of it all makes my head blow up like a balloon. Always I feel the bursting point and always it stretches ever so much more.
It will all end soon. Life will ebb back down to the daily grind and I’ll keep on trucking, but May will loom large in my rearview, one of those months that casts shadows on the landscape of my past. I grew up some more in the month of May, 2013. I didn’t always handle that well, but it’s good to remember those months that stretch you until you feel sure your entire body is going to thrum like a rubber band. Then it’s past and you look around and realize you’re still absolutely fine.